So, I'm addicted to my phone.
Like a lot of you out there reading this on your phone right now- I use my like 3 by 5 rectangle to enhance my everyday life, mostly by escaping it. My everyday can be mindlessly boring. Dishes, butt-wiping which I've mentioned previously and did you realise that you have to clean the kitchen pretty much every time you use it? And if your kids are anything like mine- the snacking and grazing is continuous which I suppose is my own fault. Feel free to offer some friendly advice (ie./ critique my parenting) in the comment section!
I am not proud of my addiction.
Low level addictions can be quite handy, really. I like planning my next cafe outing and plotting the most direct route. If I am wondering where my next caffeine fix is coming from, I am definitely not asking the bigger scarier questions of my life like, "Am I parenting well enough?" or "Am I a good enough person?" or "Why is our planet so fucked?" or "How can I help reverse the cesspool of humanity when I embody the same human weaknesses?" or "What the hell is my life's purpose?" or "What does it ALL MEAN?"
Yup, "I wonder if the good coffee place is open?" is much safer.
And I might follow that little rousing thought with a light-hearted debate about whether or not I will ordeer a regular or large. Followed by some self-berating for not needing the extra milk after the festive 8 pounds I gained during the yuletide. Because as long as I'm sabotaging how I feel about my own body, I definitely can't be pulling down the patriarchy, looking into local recycling programs or challenging my plastic consumption.
Nope. Low level coffee addiction is looking pretty good right now but it's 4:50pm here and that's too late for coffee so maybe I'll just scroll my phone instead. Less caffeine, same dopamine hit.
The phone as a tool is pretty impressive. Information, human connection, insight and enlightenment at my finger tips. Am I using it impressively?
I like my podcasts. I find having my work email on hand annoying useful. I have a 2 mediation apps. I even use of of them. I have a yoga app that I've never opened. I deleted FB off my phone to make the access slightly less intuitive. I don't allow any notifications. I live for my fitbit dashboard at the moment. I have met 2 actual people from IG-land and they are both great.
When I leave my phone in another room. One of my children brings it to me because it's place, as far as they are concerned, is in my hand. A long series of shameful photos with my girls when they were young has me pensively squinting at my phone in the background. I don't even look happy.
I like my phone. I enjoy my phone. I also think that the more I use it- the more it drains the fun out of my real life. But I'm not kicking the habit? And most of us aren't. Why?
My best hours are the hours when I am not looking at the magic mirror. When I leave the leash at home and feel completely free because no one can ask me to grab something from the supermarket on my way home. No amount of likes on my latest picture is as good as when I forget I even have a phone.
So why not trash it altogether? Where do I live if not in the grid? In the actual room I'm sitting in and in real time? Well, that sounds boring.
Which is kind of the point. If I'm bored, I might play a board game with my kids, if i'm bored I might have to making different choices about how I'm structuring my day or living my life. If I'm bored, I might have to do something to entertain myself and becoming a less boring person...
Like go make a coffee.
p.s. This was a writing challenge set by my friend and writing buddy Fake Hippy based on the word "phone". I didn't want to do it but as youngin's say, "Challenge accepted".
p.p.s. And phones as an actual call to hear the voice of another human being who is far away but so imcreddibly important to you that you want to reach through time and space to hear their voice- absolutely the best invention on the planet. Thanks, Alexander Graham Bell and whoever made long distance calls so cheap and free in the past few years!